January 16, 2010 at 9:32 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

This my my space to be me hurt free.I have A LOT on my mind. So welcome. I am not going to be one for grammar or punctuation. As long as it’s spelled right and you get the gist of it then I’m gravy.

So I have a lot of stories and a lot of crazy thoughts. At the moment I feel represses. I have been with my partner for a long time. I moved away from family and frioends to be with him and we have a son who is soon to be 2. I love my son more than life its self. I think I love his dad but I am confused. I keep seeing myself without him and just me and The Boy. he is a good man and a good dad and he is good to me for the most part. By this I mean he treats me well, provides for me and respects me most of the time. The lack of respect is made in comments here and there usually when we are argueing. From day 1 since the birth of our son I have always felt like a couple with a kid, not a family.

He don’t due much together and both of us spend way too much time online. It isn’t uncommom for one of us to each be on a pc within a few feet over one another. Him reading whatever he reads and me reading blogs or being on facebook. I love to read blogs. I have another blog. But I am going to very blunt here and speak my mind.

I’ve lost almost all interest in sex with him. Its not that he isn’t good, it’s that he doesn’t do it for me. I’ve been fantasizing about partner’s from my past. Not good. One in particular. It’s been years since we’ve been together. We’re each in other relatioships. I don’t condone cheating. Even though I have cheated on past boyfriends. I’ve never knowingly been wtih a guy whose been in a relatioship. Being cheated on sucks. I know and I don’t ever want to cause another women that pain. But the temptation  can be soooo strong. I fantasize about it all the time. But there’s a difference between thinking of something and acting on it.

My head/fantasies are telling me to pack The Boy up move back to my hometown and do the single parent thing letting Partner see the biy whenever it is that he wants. I knwo it would be hard but I think about it so much it’s almost a reality. Back in my home city it would be easier to get a “real” job and i can get back to what I know before I became a SAHM and work part-time in retail hell for pocket change.


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